We want our lives to be less hard work and more joyful. We want to be happier, healthier and have strong and fulfilling relationships with those around us.
We want the emotional strength and resilience to take life’s challenges in our stride and bounce back a more robust person for them.
But so much of our human behaviour is habitual. And behind every habit is a belief – about people, life and the world
We take an holistic, whole person approach to wellbeing and work from the premise that if we can know our beliefs, we can then act with greater consciousness about our wellbeing so that our life becomes happiers and healthier
Our Wellbeing Programmes are based on a design of eight aspects of wellbeing – the Wellbeing Wheel – that we believe make up the whole and need to be addressed if sustainable wellbeing is to be developed.
1. Expressive
Our ability to express ourselves is related to our feelings of self confidence and self worth. If our creative expression is suppressed, for example when we can’t speak our mind or we say ‘yes’ when we mean ‘no’, we begin to feel closed down, imprisoned, and depressed. More
2. Centred
Our lives are full of busyness and this frequently creates stress for us. When we learn to be centred and find stillness amidst the busyness we avoid the stress that leads to emotional and physical complications. More
3. Responsive
Our emotions often lead us to react – as if on automatic – in ways that are stressful to ourselves and hurtful to others. We can learn to avoid these reactions and be more responsive – choosing what we say and do in response to others. More
4. Purposeful
When we are without purpose we feel lost, like we’re in a maze, easily distracted with no sense of meaning in our lives. However when we have a purpose, a dream or a vocation, this gives meaning to our lives and keeps us positive and motivated. More
5. Nurturing
When we don’t focus on caring for our selves – mind, body, spirit and emotions, we tend to get out of balance and neglect important aspects of who we are. Those parts that we don’t care for inevitably develop dis-ease. More
6. Effectivee
When we don’t feel in control of our lives we feel frustrated and angry – more life-diminishing emotions that cause mental and physical harm in the long term. Being ‘at cause’ rather than ‘at effect’ makes us feel like we are in charge. More
7. Resourceful
Recognising that we have a vast store of often untapped resources both within us and around us helps us feel more confident and able to take action in our lives. We can too easily fall into the trap of believing that we have nothing to offer. More
8. Vital
We can get stuck in our lives, lose our enthusiasm and question who we are and our worthiness. But we can learn to shift this ‘stuckness’ and keep our energy clear and bright. This keeps us positive more of the time and leads to greater health and happiness. More
1. Expressive contd.
At its simplest, wellbeing is how good or bad we feel. But at its heart, wellbeing is to do with how positive or negative we feel about ourselves. Too often we depend on ‘what we do’ or ‘what we’ve got’ for how well we feel. But there is another way.
When we feel positive about ourselves we naturally want to express ourselves, be active and connect with others. When we feel good about ourselves we are open and learning, generous and giving. We are able to say what we feel, express our innate creativity and imagine desirable futures. Only when we feel bad about ourselves do we close down these normal human tendencies.
Unfortunately there are two factors – one evolutionary and the other cultural – that conspire to make us feel negative, unless we are consciously watching for them. The first is our hardwired tendency to look for dangers. As we have evolved over millions of year, this has been a useful trait but now it’s not so helpful and has contributed to a general world view that looks for what’s broken and tries to fix it at the expense of appreciating and building on the positive.
Culturally we have got our sense of wellbeing, prosperity even, confused with what we do and what we’ve got, continually fed by a consumerist society and the media. We have come to see ourselves as human doings rather than human beings. The trouble with focussing on doing and having is that we can never do or have enough to make us happy particularly in a world where we are continually encouraged to compare ourselves with others. We are playing a game we cannot win. The sustainable source of feeling good about ourselves lies in our being, not our doing; and? in our learning to feel special and unique. Back
2. Centred contd.
We spend too much of our time in the past or the future and not centred in the present. We don’t take the opportunity to find stillness and keep struggling through the busyness of life. As a result we tend to miss much of the richness of life that would feed our wellbeing.
An aspect of our humanness that we have to be aware of is our tendency to spend most of our time analysing the past for what went wrong or what we should have done or worrying about the future. And not centred in the present. As a TV commercial once said “Wake up and smell the coffee”. It might have added smell the flowers, hear the birdsong, watch in awe as the sun rises, and the myriad other parts of our life and world that we miss when we are not centred.
During our workshops we often give people the experience of eating an orange mindfully – that is paying attention to how the orange feels in your hand, how it smells, the texture and zest of the peel as you remove it, the delicious flavours as you bite into a segment. For many people this is the first time they have experienced an orange in this way and they are amazed. How much more of our lives would amaze us if only we were more mindful?
One aspect of mindfulness is meditation. There are many well documented benefits of sitting a few minutes each day in silence, watching your thoughts but not being attached to them. Not only are there important health benefits from meditation but, as a sage once said “If there is no stillness there is no silence, if there is no silence there is no insight and if there is no insight there is no clarity.”
Meditation is good for us on many levels, that’s why it’s important to be learning mindfulness amidst the busyness of our lives. Back
3. Responsive contd.
Emotional strength and resilience are key to our wellbeing. However, we often find ourselves in repeating patterns of negative emotions that drain us and over which we seem to have no control.
Our wellbeing is affected by our emotions and how we react or respond to them. As Vincent Van Gogh said “Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it.”
So often is seems that our emotions have us rather than the other way round. We find ourselves reacting automatically, often in patterns that repeat themselves through out our lives, in ways that hurt or diminish others. Unlike children who seem to have immense emotional flexibility to shift from sobbing inconsolably on moment to laughing and playing the next, as adults we tend to get stuck in our emotions, often for years.
Yet our emotions are a valuable source of energy and information about what’s going on within and around us. It’s normal to feel angry if something we feel strongly about is being violated. However we have a choice about what we do as a result of the feeling. Once we begin to tease apart the underlying beliefs and attachments, then we create the space to choose how we respond to our emotions rather than react on automatic.
Continually being at the mercy of our emotions, particularly when they are life diminishing, can cause hurt to others and keep us stressed and this is not good for our physical and emotional wellbeing.
That is why it is important to be learning how to harness our emotions. Back
4. Purposeful contd.
We are naturally ‘meaning makers’, all the time trying to make sense of what is happening in our world and asking ‘why?’ and ‘how?’ questions.
Two of the biggest questions we tend to ask are ‘who am I?’ and ‘why am I here?’ Now we can choose to believe that we are a random accident of the Universe with no purpose or direction. We can live our lives like a leaf on a stream just floating where the currents and eddies take us.
But for many of us that is not enough. Without clarity about who we are and where we are going, we feel lost in a maze without purpose and direction.
However, when we begin to learn from our past experience we develop an increased sense of our own purpose that gives us a sense of direction and helps us stay focussed amidst life’s distractions.
By learning to remember ‘who I am and what I am here for’ we find that our motivation increases and we can better stay on track to achieve our goals. Back
5. Nurturing contd.
It’s important for us to appreciate that our body is intricately linked with the other aspects of who we are – our mind, emotions and spirit. It is well known that what goes on in our mind has an effect on the hormones and chemicals that get released by our body and overtime can lead to a build up that harms us physically. Equally what we do with and put into our body has an effect on our minds – sugar, alcohol, drugs etc.
Our greatest wellbeing comes when all aspects of ourselves are working in harmony, like a highly tuned engine. Simple things like getting enough sleep, exercise and nourishing food can make all the difference, and affect our mind, emotions and spirit in positive ways.
Learning to balance the care of ourselves plays a vital role in our wellbeing. And it’s so important that we learn to care for ourselves before we care for others or we risk burn out. Back
6. Effective contd.
Whether at work or in our families and relationships, we can often feel that our life is not really our own. If we don’t feel we are being effective this can be a powerful cause of dis-ease.
Life gives us a rich source of experiences from which we can learn about what is needed to lead our lives. In one sense our lives truly are not our own. We are part of a vast web of interconnections. What happens in the world and what others do has a great impact on our lives.
Learning from the natural rhythms and cycles of life can help us see what is coming and be better prepared for it. Just as when there is snow on the ground, I can predict that in a few months things will be warmer and trees and flowers will be in bud, so I see the patterns in other aspects of my life. If my children are being troublesome, with teething or as teenager, I know it is part of a natural cycle and will pass. We can let ourselves be angry and frustrated by it but what good would that do, except create dis-ease for us. Sometimes we just have to go with the flow. Trying to cut across the grain can be too painful.
If we find our work unfulfilling and demotivating then we might need to take action, create a new flow for ourselves rather than expecting or hoping for it to change.
Our life experience can also teach us the importance of timing. Some things are in a beginning stage and full of excitement and anticipation of what’s to come. Some are in a middle stage and ‘full of mellow fruitfulness’. Still others are coming to an end and the completion of cycles need to be noticed and appreciated so they aren’t allowed to drag on past their ‘use by date’. When it’s over, it’s over!
So learning to ‘lead our lives’ can reduce the stress and frustration of feeling ‘at effect‘ of the world and create greater inner peace and harmony. Back
7. Resourceful contd.
Do you sometimes feel indecisive and procrastinate? Many of us put things off, sometimes until it’s too late. One of our greatest fears sometimes (or greatest motivators) is imagining lying on our deathbed thinking ‘if only….’
Knowing our inner and outer resources can give us greater stature and confidence to plan out ahead and take decisive action. One of the important inner resources is courage – literally ‘heart rage’ – an inner power to take action aligned with every fibre of our being. And, surprisingly, it usually those actions that are for the benefit of others that bring forward our courage. We seem to be more prepared to take risks to saves others than we are to save our lives.
Regularly creating new and interesting goals for ourselves, and the simple strategies to put them into action are a necessary way to overcome indecisiveness. It keeps us growing and we are only really alive at our growing edge. Notice how the most vibrant parts of any plant or tree are the edges where new life is growing.
We are naturally social animals with caring and compassion. So it is good for our wellbeing to be using our resources and be learning to take right action, not just for ourselves, but for the benefit of all. Back
8. Vital contd.
It’s important for our wellbeing that we stay vital – enthusiastic about our life and interested and involved in all parts of it; that our lives have a sense of wholeness and integrity.
We live in an ocean of energy and we receive and transmit energy within this field. When we are vital, happy and enthusiastic, this energy ripples out from us and touches others in ways that we never fully understand.
Remember a time when someone praised you or treated you with generosity of spirit or in a caring and compassionate way. Think back to how this made you feel, and how that feeling rippled out and touched others that you came into contact with.
Now remember a time when you were really hurt by someone else, by their lack of consideration, smallness, selfishness, lack of care or empathy. And remember the energy of the ripples that went out from you after that.
If we are to sustain our wellbeing then we need to learn to change the negative, life diminishing energies and ‘stuck’ moods that we sometimes find ourselves in. We can learn to do this with fluidity and agility.
We can do this when we are learning to keep our energy clear and bright. Back